Well my first day of graduate school starts tomorrow evening. In some ways I can't wait but in others I'm dreading it since we are suppose to get some bad weather tomorrow night as well. Ice and rain, ugh. Still it will be good to get out of the house. I'm sick of being home. My goal is this, finish up this semester, driving myself to school save for tomorrow due to the weather and a conflict of time as a result with parents but that shouldn't normally be a problem and then work on an internship. Luckly I have a few possiblities here. I've recently learned, via my moher, of several government based internships for college seniors and graduate students that offer work experience overseas. Since the number of people that have applied is extremely low my chances are pretty good I think. So far only 3 people have applied to this one internship so the deadline has been extended. I'll be mailing that application off this week. I'll also be looking for an internship while at school, something that is flexible around my classes. With luck I'll be able to get a full time position and then drop to part-time in school.

Age really isn't my problem. I'm 22 and I know and understand how hard it can be try and make it on your own. I understand that I'm lucky in being able to continue with school and not have to worry about money troubles. Yet the desire to be out of the house is strong. Especially if you are lonely in the relationship department. I have decided I won't attempt to start anything with anyone offline or online until I'm in a decent position money wise. It isn't fair to myself or the other person. A large part of why I want work has to deal with this. I'm sure a lot of people can understand the feeling of not wanting to be alone. Sure I have time, as others have said. I shouldn't be rushing things but time moves fast and has been moving faster with each passing year, so fast that it's starting to scare me a little. I've missed out on so much I think due to focusing on school or just trying to do what is expected of me (the right things)(this has really hurt my social and non-existing sex life, even some people say that's good, not so sure). Just once I'd like to say to hell with it and just do what I want to do and be selfish.

It's all about the money in the end and I hate that life is like that. That all this work and effort put forth just so I can make money to live, so I can keep living to make more money which allows me to continue living. It's a viscious cycle that I don't ever see going away unless mankind is set back thousands of years and even then the situation would just change to that setting.

Maybe some good will come from this extra time. My writing has seriously taken a back seat due to my lack of desire over the past few months. This has changed as I've read more but I have the constant fear of using someone elses idea as my own. Having to double check yourself is a pain. That still gives me some peace as that is what I love doing.