There are times when I just want to find and crawl into a hole and shut myself off from the rest of the world. No cares about anything and anyone. Have no responiblities, expectations of my own or from anyone else. Now is one of those times. Its mid-terms or in my cased finals time for one of my classes. There is nothing like knowing you are doing bad when you are studying your butt off or doing bad on a test when you even have a forumla sheet in front of you, and its allowed. Or doing all the homework only to have your mind go blank with the test in front of you. To top it off you are failing another class that you need to pass. Nothing like having graduationg being set in doubt when you are a senior and you are facing money trouble (tution) on top of everything else.
I know this sounds morbid but never before have I actually and honestly considered suicide until today. I got to a point today where I just didn't care anyone and felt things just weren't worth the stress and aggravation. People say suicide is a sin, that those that go through with the act are being selfish, are taking the cowards way out, running away from their trouble. Really though, what is wrong with being selfish? What is wrong with running away from your problems and fears? Why must people be brave? I thought that as well before but really your opinion on the situation gets cloudy when you actually get the point of taking your own life. Personally I don't think I could ever go through with it in the end. But then again, I never thought I'd actually seriously think about either.
If anyoen is reading this don't worry, I'm not going to go off and do something drastic. Just needed to get these feelings out. It helps to write, to let go of some of the frustration. At least it helps me at times.
